you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
