That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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