I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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