drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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