There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We left the knife in your bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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