the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize