Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
