Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
