I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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