I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
