There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
