the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
