Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
