i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
