Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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