so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
