So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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