Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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