i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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