My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
