gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
