i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
