Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
