Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
