did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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