Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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