the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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