how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
