im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
