Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
