I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
