Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
