I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
