this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
