I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
