im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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