I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
