just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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