It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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