Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
