The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
