I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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