I just cut my nipple shaving
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
