When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
