you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
