dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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