you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
