My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
