How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
