No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one