brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got chris browned last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.