we're blogging at a bar
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
