see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
