I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
