I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
