we're blogging at a bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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