I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
