actually, I'm a sock model
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
