Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
