I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
