honey bunches of taint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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