Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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