So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
