He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
