you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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