He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
